SAUNDARANANDA 12.12: Shame-Faced Nanda, Conscious of End-gaining

praNamya ca gurau muurdhnaa
baaShpa-vyaakula-locanaH
kRtv" aaNjalim uvaac' edaM
hriyaa kiM cid avaaN-mukhaH

12.12
After bowing his head to the guru,

Eyes filled with tears,

He joined the palms of his hands and spoke as follows,

His face somewhat lowered, in shame:

COMMENT:
Shame is a negative emotion that can have great positive value.

Shame has to do with consciousness of faults, and consciousness of faults is the essence of the progress, through four realisations, that Nanda makes in the final Canto of this poem.

Lack of due attention to the means of practice (because of undue interest in expected rewards such as the love and appreciation of nymphs etc.) is a primary fault in sitting practice. Attachment to the joy that follows from the giving up of an end-gaining idea is also a fault. And the feeling of ease that follows from giving up attachment to joy is also a kind of fault.

Such is the practice that Ashvaghosha is describing: fault follows fault follows fault, beginning with end-gaining.

A face somewhat lowered is the cart; shame is the horse.

In a past life I made such a virtue of putting the cart before the horse that my ears were closed for a long time to the opposite principle; it was a partial, end-gaining view, born of ignorance.

In this verse, as I read it, the horse is before the cart.

EH Johnston:
And bowing his head to the Guru, with his eyes dimmed by tears he folded his hands and spoke as follows, looking somewhat downwards in shame :--

Linda Covill:
He bowed his head to the guru and folded his hands in reverence, and with tears filling his eyes and his face partially lowered in shame, he said:

VOCABULARY:
praNamya = absolutive of praNam: to bend or bow down before (often with muurdhnaa)
ca: and
gurau (locative): to the guru
muurdhnaa = instrumental of muurdha: the head

baaShpa: tear
vyaakula: full of
locanaH = nominative, singular of locana: " organ of sight " , the eye

kRtvaa = absolutive of kR: to do, make
aNjalim = accusative of aNjali: m. the open hands placed side by side and slightly hollowed (as if by a beggar to receive food ; hence when raised to the forehead , a mark of supplication) , reverence , salutation , benediction ; a measure of corn , sufficient to fill both hands when placed side by side
uvaaca = perfect of vac: to speak
idaM: this, the following

hriyaa = instrumental of hrii: f. shame , modesty , shyness , timidity
kiM cid: somewhat
avaaN: turned downwards , being or situated below
mukhaH (nominative, singular): face