SAUNDARANANDA 4.42: Still In Two Minds

taM gauravaM buddha-gataM cakarSha
bhaary"-aanuraagaH punar aacakarSha
so '-nishcayaan n' aapi yayau na tasthau
turaMs taraNgeShv iva raaja-haMsaH

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4.42
Reverence for the Buddha drew him on;

Love for his wife drew him back again:

Undecided, he neither stepped ahead nor stood still,

Like a king-goose waddling against the waves.

COMMENT:
Line 1 has to do with meaning or importance (gauravam), because of concern for which Nanda was stuck on his guru, the Buddha.

Line 2 has to do with sensual attachment, because of which Nanda was stuck on his wife, Sundari.

Line 3 has to do with action, in which area Nanda was unable to be decisive, because of being stuck in the horns of a meaning vs matter dilemma.

Line 4 paints a vivid picture of a real situation in nature.

In short, the point is that Nanda is stuck. And it is against this background that in 13.53 the Buddha will tell Nanda:

Thus, an object is not the cause

Of bondage or of liberation;

It is through a particular kind of fixing

That sticking occurs or does not.



EH Johnston:
Reverence for the Buddha drew him forward, love for his wife drew him back again ; from irresolution he neither went away nor stood still, like a royal goose pressing forwards on the waves.

Linda Covill:
Reverence for the Buddha drew him on, love for his wife drew him back again. He hesitated, neither going nor staying, like a king-goose pushing forwards against the waves.

VOCABULARY:
tam (acc sg. m.): him
gauravam (nom. sg.): n. weight , heaviness ; n. importance , high value or estimation ; n. gravity , respectability , venerableness ; n. respect shown to a person
buddha-gatam (nom. sg. n.): in relation to the Buddha
cakarSha = 3rd pers. sg. perfect kRSh: to draw , draw to one's self , drag , pull , drag away , tear ; to lead or conduct (as an army)

bhaary"-aanuraagaH (nom. sg. m.): love for his wife
bhaaryaa: f. a wife
anuraaga: m. attachment , affection , love , passion
punar: ind. back , home , in an opposite direction
aacakarSha = 3rd pers. sg. perfect aa- √ kRSh : to draw towards one's self , attract , draw away with one's self

saH (nom. sg. m.): he
a-nishcayaat (abl. sg.): from lack of fixed intention
a: (negative prefix)
nishcaya: m. inquiry , ascertainment , fixed opinion , conviction , certainty , positiveness ; resolution , resolve, fixed intention
na: not
api: also
yayau = 3rd pers. sg. perfect yaa: to go , proceed , move , walk , set out , march , advance , travel , journey
na: not
tasthau = 3rd pers. sg. perfect sthaa: , to stand , stand firmly ; to stay

turan = nom. sg. m. pres. part. tur: to hurry , press forwards; to run
taraNgeShu = loc. pl. taraNga: m. " across-goer " , a wave , billow
iva: like
raaja-haMsaH (nom. sg.): m. " king-goose " , a kind of swan or goose (with red legs and bill , sometimes compared to a flamingo)
raajan: m. a king , sovereign , chief or best of its kind
haMsa: m. a goose , gander , swan , flamingo (or other aquatic bird)